So it's 9:22 in the morning, and I have a 12 week old baby sleeping peacefully on my chest (in his favorite ring sling) and I've decided it's the perfect time to start a blog. Yes, because the world does need another new mom chronicling the delights and challenges of being a mother for the first time. Why not? I've been thinking of doing this for a while, actually. Even thought of starting during my pregnancy, but somehow that didn't happen. I blame "baby brain", but then that hasn't cleared up at all yet (probably never will). So in all likelihood, mine will not be a blog with daily entries written with superbly chosen words and edited to perfection. No, it's much more likely to be a weekly stream of consciousness post capturing in real time the thoughts of a new mother in her early thirties. I'm sure an anthropologist somewhere could make the argument that there's value in this!
So who am I? Such an simple question but such a complicated answer. I'm struggling a bit with deciding how anonymous I should make this post. The more anonymous, the more candid I can be with my thoughts and feelings, but the more open I am with my life situation, the more others can possibly relate.
I guess I'll figure this out as I go along. For now, I'm a psychologist in my early thirties and am married to a wonderful man who I love dearly. We've been together eight years, and married for four. Once I finally completed my phd, after eight long years of graduate school, we decided we were ready to start a family. Now, I was under the impression (no doubt drilled into me in high school health class), that it was really easy to get pregnant, and, having spent years and years trying not to get pregnant, I figured it would be a piece of cake now that I had stopped all the preventative measures. How wrong I was! It actually took us almost a year, and during that time I learned a lot about how the female reproductive system works (who knew our temperature changes throughout the month, and that you can learn to feel when you actually ovulate?) Thankfully, on an early winter's day in november 2010, two lines appeared in the test window (I think in the pregnancy circles that is called a "BFP" or "big f---ing positive) and my life changed forever. No more glass of Chardonnay after work, no more luncheon meats! Suddenly my body was no longer mine...I now had to consider someone else's wellfare with every decision I made. Don't get me wrong, I loved being pregnant and I had a pretty easy time of it (no morning sickness, normal weight gain, not too too many aches and pains), but there really was a huge loss of freedom (and it's unbelievable to now say that I actually had it good back then...my time/activities/choices are even less my own now). Of course, I would do it all again in a heartbeat! My son arrived in the early morning hours of august 2, 2011 and he has been a true blessing from God. I constantly stare at him and cannot believe I've created such a beautiful being. It's as if he was always meant to be here. I'll write about his birth story and the challenges of the early days in upcoming posts. But for now I'll say that becoming a mother has been life changing. It's super hard at times to be so responsible for another human's life, and because I breast feed I think I may feel that responsibility is even more on my shoulders, but it's also such a wonder and privilege to have a hand in shaping another person's life in such fundamental ways. Certainly, as a psychologist, I'm thinking about this and I hope to use this blog to muse more about these issues. Of course I'll try to refrain from analyzing my little guy too much!
Anyway, true to stream of consciousness form, there doesn't seem to be a logical end to this post so I figure here's as good a spot as any. I hope someone reads this, and if you do, I'd love to hear any comments you have or experiences you've had that are similar or different from mine. But even if I'm alone with this, at least I'll have a record of this hugely significant time in my life. And it will give me something to do while my baby naps (as he refuses to do so unless he's strapped to me in his sling -- more on that to come).
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
20 things I love about my baby
To JC, there are so many things I love about you! Here are 20.
2. I love the burst of oxytocin that I get as soon
as we start to nurse. The only way I can
describe the feeling is pure joy. And if
I’m thinking about something I have to do later in the day, it’s a feeling of
eager anticipation and the sense that things will be a splendid success. It’s an incredible hormone.
3. I love the way you make your mouth into an “o”
shape, and go “Oh!” Hard to describe in
words, but so cute.
4. I love the way that now, when you’re tired, you
put your thumb in your mouth and you nestle your head in the crook of my
neck. Divine!
5. I love the way you’re starting to feed yourself
pieces of toast, fruit, and veggies.
6. I love the smile you give me in the morning when
you wake up.
7. I love the way you clap your hands.
8. I love that you will clap your hands if I say,
“Clap, clap, clap!”
9. I love that you sleep from 7:30 until 7 or 7:30.
10. I
love that occasionally you’ll sleep in until 8 when I have to wake you up.
11. I
love that occasionally, we’ll fall asleep together while we’re nursing.
12. I
love the way you smile when you see the cats (or the vitamin d bottle), and
that you try to give one of the cats love, even though he might not see it that
way!
13. I
love the smile you give when your daddy gets home.
14. I
love that you smile when the garage door opens.
15. I
love that you smile with your whole face and that it lights up even your
eyes.
16. I
love that you are growing into a beautiful, kind, and sociable person. I can’t wait to see the person you’ll become.
17. I
love that you let others hold you, but that you reach for me after a few
minutes.
18. I
love that you’ll give everyone a smile.
19. I
love that whenever we take you on a trip, you surprise us by being so
easy-going and easy to handle, and that you sleep well.
20. I
love that you are the most beautiful baby I have ever seen and I am so
unbelievably happy and grateful that you’re mine.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Two posts in a month! Amazing! So JC has been "commando crawling" for the past week (where he pulls himself along the floor by his arms), and when he stops he's been experimenting with getting up on his knees. I think full-out crawling is just around the corner.
It also looks like he will be getting a tooth soon. I still can't see anything, but he's opening and closing his mouth a lot, which allows him to make "dadada" sounds (if only moms got the easy "d" sound! "M" seems to be much harder!). Lots of drool too. And a few times he's woken up at night pretty upset and has been soothed right away by tempra, so I think all signs point to teeth soon! Can't believe it.
Op, the little one is making some noise, so I better go grab him. Sorry for the lack lustre post!
It also looks like he will be getting a tooth soon. I still can't see anything, but he's opening and closing his mouth a lot, which allows him to make "dadada" sounds (if only moms got the easy "d" sound! "M" seems to be much harder!). Lots of drool too. And a few times he's woken up at night pretty upset and has been soothed right away by tempra, so I think all signs point to teeth soon! Can't believe it.
Op, the little one is making some noise, so I better go grab him. Sorry for the lack lustre post!
Monday, February 13, 2012
update
So I haven't written in a while because...JC's been napping like a superstar and I haven't had to kill hours sitting in the dark with my iPhone. That's awesome for me, but it's taken a hit on the blog entries! As an update on the sleep training, it was totally worth it and JC now has two naps during the day (lasting typically 90 min each), he can last about 2.5-3 hours between naps, and he sleeps from 6:30pm to 7:30am with a quick dream feed and diaper change at 11:30pm (which my wonderful husband does). The process of nap training was slow though, and after five days I was calling the doula asking whether it's possible that my baby just won't nap longer than 35 min. She said she's seen it all the time and that I should persevere. Thank goodness she was right!! By the next day, the naps were stretching out and they've just continued to improve. I highly recommend this approach! Now I have a few hours in the day where I can do what I like while JC sleeps, and that's good for all of our sanity!
I also got back into knitting! The blanket is about half finished, but I've taken a short hiatus on it because I had to go back to the knitting store for some more yarn and I got distracted when I found a pattern for the cutest little baby blanket ever! So I've been working pretty steadily on that, and I'm hopeful that I'll return to the large throw after this. (haha, my history says that project probably won't be finished). It just feels so nice to be knitting for my son. I really know what people mean when they say that something was knitted with love.
As another update, I'm officially wearing a pair of my pre-preg jeans today! I'm not wearing them well, and there is a disturbing amount of excess spillage above the waistline, but they're done up and that's something that wasn't possible even a few weeks ago. I haven't done any exercising and am in a total February funk right now, so it was a real boost this morning when I was able to squeeze myself into these puppies! I'm still breastfeeding so I figure I'm going to be stuck with an extra ten pounds until JC is weaned, so what's the point of killing myself in a gym (haha, besides the physical and psychological health benefits)?
What else is new? JC is a total doll, and an absolute pleasure to be around. I actually find myself missing him while he's sleeping! And he barely cries at all now. He's just smiling and laughing all the time. He's been sitting up by himself for the past week or so, although he'll tip after 30 seconds or so. It's truly amazing to watch this development. He seems so much older and independent sitting on his own. He's also scooting all over the floor, making swimming motions and I think crawling is around the corner.
In other big news, we started solids in mid-January and he's really taken to eating. Although he has this frustrating habit of putting his hand in his mouth right after he eats and then smearing that messy hand all over himself and his high chair! No way to stop it either, because if I grab one hand, he just turns his head and sticks in the other one! It's messy, but pretty cute too. So far we've tried sweet potato (loves), avocado (loves), butternut squash (loves), sweet peas (yuck!), zucchini (double yuck), oats and rice cereal (likes). Apples are next. And I've been trying to introduce a sippy cup with water over the past week and he didn't understand it at first (we even had our first mini-tantrum when he was tired and couldn't figure out how to use a straw), but yesterday he just suddenly "got it". These babies are amazing.
Well, I think that's all the updates for now. Hopefully I'll get myself to write more often now that I have this extra time!
I also got back into knitting! The blanket is about half finished, but I've taken a short hiatus on it because I had to go back to the knitting store for some more yarn and I got distracted when I found a pattern for the cutest little baby blanket ever! So I've been working pretty steadily on that, and I'm hopeful that I'll return to the large throw after this. (haha, my history says that project probably won't be finished). It just feels so nice to be knitting for my son. I really know what people mean when they say that something was knitted with love.
As another update, I'm officially wearing a pair of my pre-preg jeans today! I'm not wearing them well, and there is a disturbing amount of excess spillage above the waistline, but they're done up and that's something that wasn't possible even a few weeks ago. I haven't done any exercising and am in a total February funk right now, so it was a real boost this morning when I was able to squeeze myself into these puppies! I'm still breastfeeding so I figure I'm going to be stuck with an extra ten pounds until JC is weaned, so what's the point of killing myself in a gym (haha, besides the physical and psychological health benefits)?
What else is new? JC is a total doll, and an absolute pleasure to be around. I actually find myself missing him while he's sleeping! And he barely cries at all now. He's just smiling and laughing all the time. He's been sitting up by himself for the past week or so, although he'll tip after 30 seconds or so. It's truly amazing to watch this development. He seems so much older and independent sitting on his own. He's also scooting all over the floor, making swimming motions and I think crawling is around the corner.
In other big news, we started solids in mid-January and he's really taken to eating. Although he has this frustrating habit of putting his hand in his mouth right after he eats and then smearing that messy hand all over himself and his high chair! No way to stop it either, because if I grab one hand, he just turns his head and sticks in the other one! It's messy, but pretty cute too. So far we've tried sweet potato (loves), avocado (loves), butternut squash (loves), sweet peas (yuck!), zucchini (double yuck), oats and rice cereal (likes). Apples are next. And I've been trying to introduce a sippy cup with water over the past week and he didn't understand it at first (we even had our first mini-tantrum when he was tired and couldn't figure out how to use a straw), but yesterday he just suddenly "got it". These babies are amazing.
Well, I think that's all the updates for now. Hopefully I'll get myself to write more often now that I have this extra time!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
How to get a baby to sleep longer!
It's been a while, I know. I got wrapped up in all the craziness of the holidays and we're smack dab in the middle of doing some gentle sleep training with JC right now which has been taking up a lot of time. But as I am lying here on his bedroom floor waiting for my little one to wake up after only 35 min or so of napping (hence the need for the sleep training), I figure I might as well update the Internet on how things are going. First, I finished the curtains for JC's room! And I actually did it with a sewing machine and everything. I feel very proud of myself for that one. The throw blanket I was knitting? Sadly it seems it has gone the way of past craft projects. Maybe I'll pick it up again tonight after JC goes to bed? It's hard to knit and have a glass of wine though and these days I'm more inclined towards a nice cab to wind down my day!
I will say though that the night time sleep training is going great. Just after he turned 4 mths he started having trouble falling asleep and we had to start rocking him to sleep with a pacifier and then valiantly attempting to transfer him to his crib. Sometimes we were successful but often he would wake up and we'd have to start again. Then he would typically sleep 8-9 hours until 3 or 4am, but then wake up every hour or two from then on, despite being fed each time he woke up. However, now with the sleep training, he's falling asleep on his own at 6:30 pm, I'll give him a dream feed at 10:30 pm after which he falls right back to sleep until 6am. And it's been less than a week!
So how'd we do it? First, we hired a sleep doula, which has been totally worth the money. She set us up on a schedule where the first night we put JC down wide awake at 6:30pm and stayed in his room with him patting his belly,shushing, and singing a little song "It's okay, it's alright, you're going to sleep" whenever he was fussing (read screaming, crying, etc). That way he started to learn to self soothe but knew that we were with him at all times. We did this throughout the night whenever he fussed. He got a dream feed at 10:30, which was really hard to do at first bc the last thing you want to do after you finally get a baby to sleep is risk waking him up! But it went pretty well (and now he doesn't fuss at all!), and the rest of the night we did the shushing/song/patting but didn't do a feed until 6am. That was a long night, needless to say! The next few nights we did the same basic thing but stopped patting after night one, and stopped shushing after night two. By night four we started to delay going into the room for five minutes, ten minutes the next night, etc. Last night he soothed himself to sleep and only woke up at 8:30 bc he had rolled over into the side of the crib and got stuck. Once we repositioned him, he got himself right back to sleep and basically slept through to 6:15am! What a change!
Now we're doing the same thing with the naps but it's much harder bc I have to shush/sing/pat JC after he wakes up from his short nap to coax him to sleep longer, but he's having none of it at this point because he's no longer tired. We've only tried this for three naps so far, and it's been really tough! But I'll trust in the process and persevere! And I'll let you know how it works out!
I will say though that the night time sleep training is going great. Just after he turned 4 mths he started having trouble falling asleep and we had to start rocking him to sleep with a pacifier and then valiantly attempting to transfer him to his crib. Sometimes we were successful but often he would wake up and we'd have to start again. Then he would typically sleep 8-9 hours until 3 or 4am, but then wake up every hour or two from then on, despite being fed each time he woke up. However, now with the sleep training, he's falling asleep on his own at 6:30 pm, I'll give him a dream feed at 10:30 pm after which he falls right back to sleep until 6am. And it's been less than a week!
So how'd we do it? First, we hired a sleep doula, which has been totally worth the money. She set us up on a schedule where the first night we put JC down wide awake at 6:30pm and stayed in his room with him patting his belly,shushing, and singing a little song "It's okay, it's alright, you're going to sleep" whenever he was fussing (read screaming, crying, etc). That way he started to learn to self soothe but knew that we were with him at all times. We did this throughout the night whenever he fussed. He got a dream feed at 10:30, which was really hard to do at first bc the last thing you want to do after you finally get a baby to sleep is risk waking him up! But it went pretty well (and now he doesn't fuss at all!), and the rest of the night we did the shushing/song/patting but didn't do a feed until 6am. That was a long night, needless to say! The next few nights we did the same basic thing but stopped patting after night one, and stopped shushing after night two. By night four we started to delay going into the room for five minutes, ten minutes the next night, etc. Last night he soothed himself to sleep and only woke up at 8:30 bc he had rolled over into the side of the crib and got stuck. Once we repositioned him, he got himself right back to sleep and basically slept through to 6:15am! What a change!
Now we're doing the same thing with the naps but it's much harder bc I have to shush/sing/pat JC after he wakes up from his short nap to coax him to sleep longer, but he's having none of it at this point because he's no longer tired. We've only tried this for three naps so far, and it's been really tough! But I'll trust in the process and persevere! And I'll let you know how it works out!
Friday, December 2, 2011
Quick update
So my posting frequency has been dropping off a bit, but it's for good reason: JC has been sleeping in his crib more often for naps! Now it usually just takes a few minutes if rocking in the glider before he drifts off and I can put him in his crib. This is a fantastic development, but what's funny is, I actually miss having him nap in my arms! So right now I've decided to keep rocking him and enjoy this wonderful time I have with my little porcupine.
Over all life has been great. JC rolled from front to back twice (once on nov 27 and once on nov 30), and he's holding his head up so high, using his arms, on tummy time. This just came out of the blue about a week ago. One day he's crying and has his head close to the ground, the next he's alert and happy looking around and rolling. This kid is incredible! I also swear he said "hi" after my husband said it to him. It sure sounded that way anyway. And s suddenly become interested in playing with toys. He grabs them and puts them in his mouth as soon as I hand them to him. Actually he's grabbing everything in sight these days. It's so incredible to watch him develop. I can't wait to see what comes next!
Over all life has been great. JC rolled from front to back twice (once on nov 27 and once on nov 30), and he's holding his head up so high, using his arms, on tummy time. This just came out of the blue about a week ago. One day he's crying and has his head close to the ground, the next he's alert and happy looking around and rolling. This kid is incredible! I also swear he said "hi" after my husband said it to him. It sure sounded that way anyway. And s suddenly become interested in playing with toys. He grabs them and puts them in his mouth as soon as I hand them to him. Actually he's grabbing everything in sight these days. It's so incredible to watch him develop. I can't wait to see what comes next!
Monday, November 28, 2011
I'm back
So I can't believe a week's gone by already. We've been busy everyday, although thinking back it's hard for me to remember what we were doing. JC was introduced to Santa for the first time and he was so cute and well behaved. We even managed a picture with a half smile. He's also been napping in his crib a lot better, although I find that I still want to rock him and continue to cuddle with him while he sleeps. Each time he falls asleep in my arms it's an inner battle over whether I should attempt the transfer. The "no" side usually wins. Heck, I figure he's only so small for so long; why pass up an opportunity to hold him for 45 min?
On the other side of things, though, I've found myself missing work over the past week or so. I love hanging out with JC, but there are only so many cycles of eat, play, sleep, repeat that someone can do day after day before it starts to get tedious at times. I feel that if I had a few days during the week where I did something else, I'd be more likely to appreciate how wonderful the JC time is. But unfortunately with my mat leave payments I can't actually do any work without losing out on pay. So basically I'd be working for free and somehow that doesn't sit well with me! I'm also guessing that this minor boredom is also temporary. JC is already starting to play with his toys more and once he can sit and play by himself in an exersaucer or something, life will get a lot easier and I'll probably be dreading going back to work! So I'll stick it out now and focus on the present moment, not what I'm missing out on or what things will be like in the future. Right now I have a beautiful baby cuddled into the crook of my arm as he sleeps. Truly, I can't think of much else that's better than that!
On the other side of things, though, I've found myself missing work over the past week or so. I love hanging out with JC, but there are only so many cycles of eat, play, sleep, repeat that someone can do day after day before it starts to get tedious at times. I feel that if I had a few days during the week where I did something else, I'd be more likely to appreciate how wonderful the JC time is. But unfortunately with my mat leave payments I can't actually do any work without losing out on pay. So basically I'd be working for free and somehow that doesn't sit well with me! I'm also guessing that this minor boredom is also temporary. JC is already starting to play with his toys more and once he can sit and play by himself in an exersaucer or something, life will get a lot easier and I'll probably be dreading going back to work! So I'll stick it out now and focus on the present moment, not what I'm missing out on or what things will be like in the future. Right now I have a beautiful baby cuddled into the crook of my arm as he sleeps. Truly, I can't think of much else that's better than that!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)